he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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