I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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