I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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