Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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