somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
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I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
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I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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