How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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