You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
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i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
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Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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