he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
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The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
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As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
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