Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
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watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
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It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
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