I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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