Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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