What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
At least life still wants to fuck me.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
