I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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