I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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