She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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