another moral hangover. fuck.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
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I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
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I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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