Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
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I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
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Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
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