sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
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It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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