the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
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Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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