I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize