I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
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Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
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And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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