god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
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