Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
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she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
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