i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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