you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
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My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
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It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
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