Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
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