drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
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