I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Randomize