Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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