i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
my poor anus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize