The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize