I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
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