All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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