Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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