I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Randomize