I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
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You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
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I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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