i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
are you so shy because you have an std?
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Found your dick twin last night
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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