So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
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Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize