I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize