Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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