Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
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He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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