my text book just quoted the cookie monster
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
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