I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
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Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
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