We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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