apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
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