My liver just broke up with me...
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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