I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I know her cup size but not her name....
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