i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
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