It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
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Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
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Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
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