Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
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I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
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Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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