He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
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